As Christians respond with prayers and condolences after the sudden death of the adopted daughter of Christian music star Steven Curtis Chapman in a car accident last Wednesday, a leading Christian psychologist in the US has offered some of his thoughts on how any family can best cope with the tragic loss of a child.
According to Dr Bill Maier, child and family psychologist and vice president of US charity Focus on the Family, the most important thing in coping with the grieving loss of a child or other family member is confidence and belief in a loving God that can carry us through difficulties.
“One of the blessings about being a Christian is that we have a hope that non-believers don’t have when it comes to death. We have very specific promises when it comes it to eternity and believing in Jesus Christ,” Meier said.
“We should know that our loved ones will be in God’s arm forever. The Bible is so clear that God will never leave us or forsake us. That’s what we can fall back on,” he added.
Meier emphasised that while it is important for neighbors, friends, family members and other church members to reach out and comfort those in grieving, one should be sensitive to their situation and avoid making “pant” comments – while at the same time making it clear that you are emotionally available to them.
“In situations like these, there are no easy answers. It is not helpful for a friend or relative who is going through grieve and loss to just give them Bible verses,” he said. “The death of a child is the one of the most painful forms of grief for a parent.”
But most importantly, Meier noted, is the need for those who experience the loss of a family member to be unafraid to express their full range of emotions.
“Bottling up one’s feelings can be both counter productive and self destructive,” Meier said.
“If you read the Gospel of Mark, and look at the life of Jesus and jot down every time he expressed an emotion – joy, sadness, anger, grief – if our Lord and saviour expressed a full range of emotions there is no reason we should bottle up our emotions,” he pointed out.
“Our God is a big God and He can handle us even being mad about a timely death. We should not be afraid to express emotions of sadness and grief,” he added.
